The River Wanders...

Pre-North Korean missile launch transcript:

• KIM IL SUNG: Are you sure this will work?
• ROCKET SCIENTIST: Yes.
• KIM: Positive?
• SCIENTIST: Yes.
• KIM: How sure are you?
• SCIENTIST: Like, 101 percent.
• KIM: That's more than 100 percent.
• SCIENTIST: It is.
• KIM: So you're like super-confident.
• SCIENTIST: The superest confident.
• KIM: For real?
• SCIENTIST: Yes.
• KIM (pacing): I don't know. I'm nervous.
• SCIENTIST: That's a natural thing to be. I mean, we've never done this before.
• KIM: So now you're NOT sure.
• SCIENTIST: I didn't say that.
• KIM: It sounds like you said that.
• SCIENTIST: I didn't.
• KIM: You're scaring me, John.
• SCIENTIST: That's DOCTOR John.
• KIM: If this fails, I'll look like a complete idiot.
• SCIENTIST: It's always about you, Kim.
• KIM: Sigh. (Beat.) Maybe we should just reunite with South Korea.
• (Beat.)
• SCIENTIST: Or feed millions of North Koreans instead of launching a $850 million dud.
• (Beat.)
• KIM: LOL.
• SCIENTIST: LOL.