motherjones:
#thewaywelivenow
1. Notice how big Texas has grown on that guy’s T-shirt. I bet the guy puts his camera on zoom to take pictures of his personal body parts, too.
2. Good go. BTW, we don’t buy our insurance from other nations. That’s going to bite your ass big time. We do buy oil, but slap a 19% tariff, so we’ll be drilling more in the Real United States and forgoing your crude offerings.
3. Yes, please! That alone would cure the effect of most of the Gerrymandering in the US House. We don’t protect the voting rights of Hispanics in your state (or any state) anyway so 40% of your population is Hispanic but you only have 6 US Congressmen (from 2012 election) with Hispanic names, and that includes Rep Flores (R) who has to go back 4 generations to link up to his Hispanic name, and looks more pink than I do.
4. Yes, please. Glad to see the backside of most of your creepy US House reps who are holding an inordinate number of chairman seats, and your senators. Jeb Hensarling, it’s time for you to go home!
5. B’bye! We’ll treat you as fairly as we treat all weak nations. You can have 2 miles off your shore and we’ll take the rest of the Gulf for “our” oil. Thanks!
6. And we’ll want our military bases back, or at least everything that makes them valuable to your economy, the US funds that pay for them, the equipment, technology, our soldiers, and our space technology. You can have the shell of the buildings we’ll leave, or maybe we’ll blow them up before departing. Military secrets, you know.
7. You mean we won’t have to pay for all the welfare you soak up? Oh BTW, societies with a lot of unhelped poor folk, tend to do very badly. But now that we’ve warned you, we’ll shove off.
8. And about that farm aid (and the other welfares that no one calls by the “w” word like federal help for drilling, scientific research, schools, airports, roads, etc.) To make up for it you can tax your church donations instead of making them exempt like we do.
9.Ta! We know that you’ll be successful in all you do. Oh wait…

Picture of Big Tex burning at October’s state fair used via Creative Commons License Attribution (CC by 2.0) thanks to flickr user greychr who has no connection to this blog or blogger.